Grandparents share their stories:
Our daughter was living with us and gave birth 10 weeks premature to her son (the father was not in the picture). When her son was 7 months old, she met a young man and moved in with him. Four months later she moved back in with us, and two weeks later we had her second pregnacy confirmed. Her daughter was born 8 weeks premature. We have helped her financially, emotionally, physically, you name it, we had done it.
In July 2005 she married the father of her daughter, and in October moved to Las Vegas. I have only seen my grandchildren once since she moved, and that was for five minutes while they were sitting in a car.
She left her husband in Jan. and moved to Georgia in Feb.
Since she is across the country, I felt pretty hopeless that we will have any contact with the kids, and I am trying to accept that.
My daughter is very brief in any contact with me, and not very forthcoming with any information. I currently have no idea of her address or phone number, so contact is through messaging on my space.
The grandbabies are living in Georgia with their mother, their father/step-father is living back here in Big Bear, and hoping he can file for divorce and custody/visitation.
He and I have talked about it, and will probably piggy back our cases for visitation.
I have been in looking for you for months. Me and my husband have lost visitation of our three grandchildren since June of 2005.
It is a vicious daughter-in-law situation. They had a new baby in March and never let us know. I have been in so much despair since 2005. I have not given up yet. The grandchildren are in an intact family, a grandson age 6 and a granddaughter age 4, and the baby is about 8 months old.
Not only am I a grandparent, I am a licensed Marriage Family therapist. I am seeing the effects of families on grandkids cut off from their extended families because of family rifts and divorce or separation. The loss and grief of these children is tremendous-- their roots have been cut off. Ttheir support and love have been instantly cut off. They have no rights and no control.
My daughter made a poor choice running around with a much older drug addict/dealer boy friend & became pregnant at 17.
Throughout her pregnancy, she was abused. But I was unaware, she called me the night she went into labor and wanted me there.
I spent several months after my granddaughters birth feeding and taking care of them all-- on my very limited income, although they did not live with me. After nearly killing her and possibly raping my tiny grandchild, the father can never see her again, per the courts.
My daughter left him and moved in with me and I took care of my granddaughter, while she ran around with another bad choice. She left that choice after a while and found out she was pregnant again. They all again were stating they just wanted a hand up in life and lived with me. After many months, I got mad at me because they did not like the house rules (basic), moved out and told me I would never see my grandbabies again…it felt like a family member had just died.
A year later they were back, said sorry and said it would never happen again. Once again, I did everything and my first granddaughter became my life. My daughter’s new boyfriend married her, but he hates my oldest grandaughter and favors his own daughter.
When I said something about this and told them I would not buy them a car (that they surely won’t take care of ) they have now made it clear that I will never get to see my grandchildren and possibly physically hurt me if I try to see them. I just want to crawl away and die. I hurt so bad and I fear for my oldest grandaughter who is now 4 years old. No money, no hope, and nowhere to go for help. My daughter and grandaughters are all the family I have left.
I live in Greeley, Colorado.
At first I thought I would fight for custody, it’s not a good situation for my grandkids but it is not too horribly bad. It’s more psychological abuse than physical. At least at this time anyway. Then I thought about grand parents rights and getting some sort of visitation. But in the long run, I am not sure that my daughter, and especially her husband, might punish the babies every time I have an ordered visit. Right now I am confused and torn.
Rumor has it that my daughter has told my oldest granddaughter that her Nana does not want to see her any more and I just cannot get the image of tears and hurt that had to have been on her little face as she was very close to me and always felt safe and knew she could always get attention from me since she was not getting it at home from her mother & stepdad. I don’t know what to do or how to feel all I know is that it hurts….I want to do something.
But????
Walking on egg shells is one thing ,but turning over all of one’s meager income and being blackmailed is another. My daughter and her husband’s abuse of me had been making me ill…….If choosing ones health & small income over ever getting to see your grandchildren, especially one that you raised, means taking the abuse then I would not have had long to live so what good would I then be ever for my granddaughters?
The farthest I have gotten so far is that i have begun to put valuables in a safe deposit box for my granddaughters for when they reach their 20’s, other than that at the moment I am now sorta numb & just lost.
Susan,
Thank you so much . If you know of an attorney who can give me the help I need please send me the information. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life and I know i'm not alone.
My last phone call with my grandson he told me he was going to escape from there and go to the airport and give the man his little money to take him back home to grandpa's house I told him to never do that and to promise grandpa. So he wanted me to talk to his mother about coming home and I told her not to be upset with him for wanting to come back because that is the only life he knew. I told her to talk with him and about never trying to run away when no one was looking as he said to me, and to tell him everything would be fine and that grandpa will always be there for him,instead she cut off all contact . She sent back his phone that I bought him and I begged her not to take that from him ,she wont let me contact him on the computer with the web cam I sent him and no phone calls and no mail.He would put the phone on the pillow next to him in bed at night while I read him his bedtime stories and told me he put the phone on the pillow to make believe I was laying next to him like we did every night when he lived here.
It has been 1 year since that last phone call during that time I tried calling and witting and e-mailing .Nothing has worked and I have been deathly afraid of going to court because if I lose in court I know I will never see him again. Now I feel I have no choice ,but if I go to the courts I have to make sure with the help of God I have made the right decision and have the right representation. Unfortunately I don't have the financial ability to afford the top attorneys but maybe there is someone you know that has the ability to help me get started. God bless you for your compassion. Thank You
P.S. I would like to be of help any way possible to make sure grandchildren never have to go through this again. If it means helping change laws or helping organizations that care about these children, I want to do my part in helping all these little children who have no understanding of what's going on and just want to be loved.